Deciding to lose virginity

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Click to talk to a trained teen volunteer. Just like other decisions you make about your own sexuality, being a virgin is a personal choice. Virginity can mean different things.

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B efore I reached the age of consent I was desperate to lose my virginity while it was still illegal. I thought it would be two fingers up to authority. But it didn't happen, despite the fact that my first kiss, aged 15, had almost gone a lot further.

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Not all of us lose our virginities at age 16 in the back of an old Camry. First things first: what does virginity mean to you? Intercourse might not be a part of your desired repertoire, or there may be other acts that have more meaning to you.

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I have a secret no one has probably ever told you before: Losing your virginity doesn't have to be a big deal. And, while YES, it is totally bizarre and something that absolutely demands responsibility, communication and lots and lots of consentthe actual having-sex-for-the-first-time part is pretty Guess who I consciously decided to lose it to because I thought he "loved me"?

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I'm 21 and still a virgin. I grew up in a religious, conservative family in a religious, conservative country where dating and sex before marriage aren't the norm. However, I've never really been the religious, conservative type myself, so I've dated around.

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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous.

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I thought that by losing my virginity at 25, I was uniquely equipped to handle the experience with wisdom and maybe even a little nonchalance. There were several reasons that I doggedly pursued the possibility of losing my virginity in such a dispassionate manner. One was the sheer fact that I was

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Going into the night, you know whether you are thinking of this as a one-night hookup or whether it is a part of a relationship with someone. You are having sex because you want to. You have made your choice, and you are ready to roll.

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In our culture, the first time you have sex is discussed a lot, but ultimately your virginity is really just what you make it. You're just you! Practice makes perfect has never been truer than when it comes to sex and the more you know yourself and your partner, generally speaking the better it's going to feel for both of you.

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OK, so you're thinking about having sex for the first time and you just have SO. Will losing your virginity hurt a lot? And like, how much? How do you know you're ready?


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