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A weekend alone
My first story….completely true…and a pivotal moment in my life.
The first part covers how I started enjoying kissing other boys.
The second part tells how I lost my bi cherry to another guy and became actively and happily bi sexual.
As I boy growing up in a small English village in the 1960’s, sex wasn’t a subject that got talked about in an educational or overt way.
The very conservative nature of our society at the time meant that any useful education was gained either from whispers in the playground at school, or through the usual c***d/teen exploration.
I remember my first kiss with another boy quite clearly, though some of the finer details have faded into the haze of the years passed since. We were building a den in a haystack in a barn together. He was a year older than me and my guess is I was around nine or ten. The den was coming along really nicely. Private, secret, with a hidden entrance leading into a short tunnel under the bales that led into the little chamber we had opened out, then covered using lengths of timber and a few bales on top. We had worked hard and were happy to relax inside our masterpiece, enjoying the privacy and isolation.
The problem with our wonderful moment of completion was….what next? We talked about it for a short while, exploring the possibilities. Invite some of the other young people down? No way…it was our secret. Go and do something else? Not after all that work…..so we stumbled into an empty silence. I had no ideas worth using…but he did. ….”Let’s kiss” he said. Just like that. No hesitation, embarrassment or uncertainty. Like it was the most natural and obvious next step.
I think I was a little shocked at first, and didn’t really know how to respond. I didn’t say no though and he took the initiative and moved to sit next to me. There was nothing overly sexual about the kisses we shared. It was just boys touching their lips together. No tongues or open mouths. We were far too young for that. But I liked it and was happy to do more after we broke off from the first try.
Over the next year or so we repeated the kissing in lots of places, as often as we could safely get away with it. I’m not entirely sure whether my cock got hard the first time we kissed, but I know it did when we kissed and cuddled as our adventure continued. His folks moved away after a year and that ended this special phase of my sexual development, but during that year we ended up enjoying touching over our clothes, and a lot of dry humping and fucking, with each of us taking on top and bottom roles, but neither of us fully understanding the implications or real nature of our actions. We were just doing what came naturally to us.
Shortly after this I discovered girls and the whole thing drifted into my secret memory store until half a decade or so later.
I was now in my mid teens. Below legal age for homosexual behaviour but very sexualised and well aware of my love of the idea of sex with other guys. I had no internal doubt or conflict, just no real idea of how I was going to make it all become real and still keep it all a secret.
A guy had moved into the village a couple of years previously. It was well known that he was gay (queer was the word used at the time, or words with a similar taint of wrongdoing and social unacceptability), and he lived a very private life with few friends locally that gave him any real bridge into the rather retarded and old fashioned community of late 70’s rural England.
I had only ever said hello to him two or three times, but each time I did it set my cogs whirring, eventually leading to my determination to have an encounter with him. All I needed was the opportunity.
My parents were away for the weekend…my moment had been delivered to me. When I heard that they were visiting friends for the weekend, I spent the next week or two working out my plan, rehearsing it in my mind, until the Saturday night alone finally arrived.
I had waited until it was fairly late and dark outside, around nine or ten o’clock I think. The wait had been pretty intense, with the tension, apprehension and excitement building constantly throughout the day. My doubt and fear were present inside me, but were easily overwhelmed by my determination and horny teenage need for sex.
I stepped out of our front door, closed it quietly behind me and set off up the garden path and walked through the village.
My plan was pretty simple…and pretty stupid when I think back on it. I was going to walk up to his door, knock and ask if I could come in. In my mind I had imagined that he would know immediately why I was there, and be so full of desire for me that he would invite me in and the rest would take care of itself.
Walking through the village my adrenaline fuelled butterflies were so powerful they made my breathing shallow and my legs weak.
After the short walk of a few minutes I was there.
I stood across the road and took as deep a breath as I could manage, stepped off the curb and made the twenty paces to his door without passing out in excitement.
I knocked weakly but without hesitation. The door opened. I remember him framed by the light behind him. He was a delicately good looking guy, around five foot nine I think, smooth faced, always smartly dressed with a sense of style that was more evolved than the usual image seen in the village.
My rehearsed plan and certainty fell apart quickly.
The “Hi” I whispered under my frightened breath was barely audible. His clear and self possessed “Hello” in return only added to my troubles. I had totally lost control of the situation before it had even developed.
The exact details of the next few moments are lost to me, but they revolved around him asking what I was knocking on his door for, me explaining weekly that I wanted to come in, and him understanding my intentions quickly and explaining I was too young for it to be ok. My disappointment and confusion were obvious to him somehow. maybe it was my deflated body language and stunned silence.
I think I stammered something to try and persuade him to re think and he kindly and gently took pity on me.
“How about you come in for a few minutes and we can talk about all this”. I think he genuinely intended to spend a few minutes chatting and then send me on my way, comforted but untouched.
I remember sitting on his settee with him at the other end asking me if I was into other boys and men.
My response was a mixed “Yes, no, I think so” and an “I don’t know” thrown in to complete the set. We chatted more and I told him about my year of kissing etc with my now departed c***dhood friend. This led to him asking me about masturbation etc and fantasies.
I told him that I loved thinking about guys when I masturbated. He could see me taking looks at the bulge in his jeans and asked
“About me?” and I nodded.
I remember his huge sigh at hearing this, a change in his demeanour and a different energy in the room.
He disappeared to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of wine and two glasses. We drank and chatted more and I soon felt adjusted to the scenario, company and conversation. I knew the ground had shifted and my breathless anxiety turned to a building anticipation and hopeful lust. My determination returned. My rehearsed plan was back on track. It was obvious what was coming next when he closed his curtains and dimmed the lighting……….
Now he was sitting next to me on the settee rather than at the other end, and he was taking time to look me up and down in a very different way, including the growing bulge in my own trousers.
The wine was working its magic nicely and our conversation was moving in and out of sex talk smoothly and naturally. My newly found ease and determination was turning to urgent need and desire. I wanted him soooo much. He was around three times my age and I wanted to be his and him to be mine. There was no issue of exploitation at all. I was a horny teenager and wanted to try my first real cock.
He asked suddenly “What do you want to do next?”
Without a pause I focussed my entire being on his groin and reached across. As my hand touched his bulge he breathed in deeply and let his head fall backwards onto the cushions behind him……
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